no thanks for the memories, pt. 1

Sometimes my stupid brain dredges up shit that I wish would stay gone forever. I hate you, brain! Stupid brain! This time it’s the time the high school flag corps was tagged after football season to join up with some girls from another school to form a dance team.

Does any of this make sense to you, people who know me now? Because I’m bewildered and I was there.

So here’s how this went down: our flag corps was headed by a pretty young thing who was a great instructor but really, really ambitious. Like the kind of person who bites off more than can fit in her face. She brought a lot of great ideas to the table, but her coup de grace was when she required us to learn a dance routine that was to be performed at halftime at a varsity basketball game to this song:

[link removed – 2 Unlimited, “Tribal Dance” – you’re welcome]

Instead of having maybe awesome or at least kind of neat outfits, we all wore white v-neck Hanes undershirts and tearaway running pants. The shit thing about that was that our flag corps had the option to wear either gray, brown or baby-puke yellow pants, while the toned and tanned girls from the other school (who by the way had dance team training) wore bright blue and green pants. Really vibrant colors. We all looked dumpy, and they looked fabulous. For us teenage girls, it was an uncomfortable pairing.

I also recall the dance having a move where we went into a somersault from a standing position (imagine doing that on a hardwood basketball court), then rotated around 180 degrees on our butts and flashed our crotches to the opposing team’s fans. Subtext, y’all. There was also a kickline which I never got the hang of. I still don’t really get those. I prefer the running man, which I also suck at, but that’s part of my charm.

Well, anyhow, this is a lot of awkward ugly that came a-bubblin’ up like so much crude oil. Then again, it’s funny in retrospect because of it’s awfulness.

And awful it was.

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2 thoughts on “no thanks for the memories, pt. 1

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