ev’ry day i’m double-in’

So I got some really good news tonight. This might be the Best News of the Year. You should probably have a seat for this. I’m serious.

Are you ready?

KFC…Kentucky Fried Chicken, to those not in the know…has either brought back, or never entirely got rid of, the Double Down. Or as my brother calls it, the Chicken Bunwich. Behold:

“Oh, in the name of God! Now I know what it feels like to be God!”

Look. This is a sandwich built entirely of meat, cheese, meat, and “sauce,” whatever THAT means. This sandwich looks at other sandwiches and says FUCK YO’ SANDWICH. This sandwich actually sits on other sandwiches’ heads and farts in their faces. At the risk of making a horribly outdated joke (but I’ll do it anyway), in Capitalist America, Double Down eats you. You get the point.

Anyhow, today was kind of a pisser. I made stupid mistakes at work, and kind of wasn’t even focused on anything at work really (partial credit for this goes to twitter, where I got distracted when Grace of Are Women Human? discovered that vajazzling is a real thing, and then all hell broke loose). I’ve been losing focus on my job a whole lot lately, so that’s my bad, but it’s just making me feel lost and questioning my life choices lately, etc. Finding out that the Double Down is back, or never went away, was like having the clouds part and a gigantic, chicken-breast-shaped beam of sunshine come down and light itself on my head. It’s as if God Himself touched my heart, and my stomach, and said, “here, my Child…be of peace.”

And I will drink deeply of the Pepsi products. And I will eat of the Colonel’s bounty and be satisfied once again.

Amen.

[this post not sponsored by KFC or PepsiCo, but if they want to give me a sponsorship, that would be okay, I guess]

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