goin’ to the candidates debate

I pretty much hate election season. It lasts longer than sportsball season, which goes on for years. It makes me sad. Like this!

You make Jesus sad, politicians.

Anyhow, the presidential debates started tonight, and yet again they did not end with an epic Nerf gun fight where the winner blasts the loser in the crotch with a huge foam dart. What a waste. It was decided that the real winner of the debate tonight was anyone who didn’t watch it. My brother, the smart one, chimed in with this genius idea:

“I think they should drop the debates in favor of pie eating contests. Also, make them worth something. Each win gets you 20 electoral votes and choice of pie in next contest.”

This is smart. I add to this the following:

“Okay, but instead of eternal pie contests, the winner should get to choose the next contest from among the following: go-karts, giant foam q-tip platform fighting, tiddlywinks, bellyflop diving, or flip cup. The final debate will consist of a team competition along with the VP candidates in tag-team bikini pudding wrestling, name that tune, and ending with a cross country foot race a la Meatballs.”

There should also, obviously, be a belching contest in there somewhere, probably for one of the VP debates. Politics, y’all.

yeah, it’s like that.



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